So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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