State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
