This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
