I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
