i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize