I just pynch a tree in the face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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