Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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