every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
