I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
