Your mouth is God's brothel.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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