I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
