She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
