so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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