Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
