How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
