I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
