dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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