My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
