That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
