I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
