Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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