Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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