If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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