Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
