Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
