apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize