I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
two words: eviction party
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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