You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I touched a dick in church today
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
