I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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