Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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