i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
