Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
