if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
