yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
