Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
