if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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