Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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