I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
