just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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