I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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