News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
