im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
