I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
