She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
