he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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