So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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