dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
