And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize