When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think i got beer on your cat.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
