i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
