dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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