If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
