Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
