The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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