I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
