actually, I'm a sock model
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
