hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
