I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
