His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's never too late to be topless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
