Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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