I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
