I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
