She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
