Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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