I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
